Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
