Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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