I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
