i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
