Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
