i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
