the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
