then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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