Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
