You work out of a Hotel?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
