I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's just like the Real World with babies
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
