I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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