She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
