just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
