I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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