I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
