Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
