All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to make out with him forever
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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