I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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