Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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