He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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