My liver just broke up with me...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
