WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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