In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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