im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
