i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
