The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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