Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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