So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
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Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
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Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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