You're so nebulous sometimes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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