my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch