also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
