I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch