You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.