If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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