i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
