There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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