the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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