the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
