He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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