Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
