eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As shirtless as possible
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
