Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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