the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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