this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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