At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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