You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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