Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
