I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
