I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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