If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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