I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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