he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
