id be glad to
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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