hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
