Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
