Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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