our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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