dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
