I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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