Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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