At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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