Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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