I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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