I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love having hate sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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