i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
