How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
