dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
