your thong is hanging out like whoa
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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