My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
