then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
