i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
