It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
