i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
