if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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