Cold hands, warm shart.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
