If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
