I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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