if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
