How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
