I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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