They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
