I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
