there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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