She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what day is it and did you see me today?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
