So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize