Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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