There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
