can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
