so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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