my phone needs a breathalizer
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
