My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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