That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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