he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
