Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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